6. Fatal Attraction
So we all know how this one ends – with boiled pets and the scariest bath scenes you’ll ever see – but it’s the sex that starts off the whole torrid mess that I’m more weirded out by. I get it, some people have sex in public places, and even in elevators, I’m not a prude here (could I write this article if I were) but the vigour with which these two go at it is at first admirable but then it becomes puzzlingly awkward. I mean, I’m not too homosexual to not know that guys might go to town on a woman’s breasts but JESUS! Her apartment is literally seconds away, do you need to fuck while being mechanically lifted to the top of her building (why does that sound dirty) to get off or something? And why did you choose a lift with one of those awkward collapsing metal gates to go at it? Someone’s hair could get caught! Especially seeing as it was the 80s and Glenn Close’s hair is three times the size of her head. Does nobody think of the danger? Bah, I give up. You’ll find out she’s crazy when your daughter’s rabbit does missing.